My Own Fate
by Jen7118
Summary: Sequel to Fate Gave Me You. Emily and Hotch think they have it all but why does it all fall apart when Hotch makes one selfless move?
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: This is the sequel to Fate Gave Me You. It takes place a year and a half after Fate ended. Unlike Fate this story revolves around Emily and Hotch. It will include Gracie and Jack but not to the point where Fate did. Warning it does get much darker in later chapters. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds or any of its characters.

My Own Fate

Chapter One: Bullet

_-"Deep in the man sits fast his fate _

_To mould his fortunes, mean and great."_

_Ralph Waldo Emerson _

It all happened so fast she barely knew what actually took place in those five minutes.

She was clearing the third room in the Unsub's house, gun drawn and her eyes darting across the room looking for any movement. In her earpiece she could hear Morgan asking for assistance in the basement. She hurriedly backed out of the room. Back in the hall she headed straight for the kitchen where the basement door was. She heard the footsteps behind her but she trusted it was her husband and boss also headed for Morgan.

She was wrong.

She had heard a gunshot many times in her years as an agent. Many times it had come from her own gun. The low click and loud pop and boom of a shot was one she heard and felt many times but this time it was different.

Her name was screamed in a familiar voice. The voice she loved, the voice that comforted her at night and the voice that whispered sweet nothings in the morning.

She felt a heavy weight on her back as she was pushed to the ground, her face hitting the muddy carpet and her arms trying to break her fall as best as possible. The weight never let up as more shots rang out in the house. When the shots stopped and voices shouted orders, she tried to push the weight off but was unsuccessful. A low groan sounded from her back. That's when she knew. That's when her world stopped. That's when her life changed forever.

She turned to see his face. His eyes were closed slightly and his face was contorted in such a way her heart stopped. People were everywhere, in her face asking questions that she couldn't comprehend and moving him off her but her eyes never left his face.

She could smell the smoky residue left from the guns and blood. She smelt his blood. Her hands ran down her sides on their own accord. That's when she felt it. Sticky red liquid painted the back of her jeans. Her own blood pumped in her ears in return.

Sitting up with the help of JJ she reached for his hand next to her. The paramedics already had him on the back board. His arms stretched out on the floor. She squeezed but he didn't squeeze back. Cries came from deep in her chest. JJ tried pulling her away but that was not happening. She would not leave him. Words came from the blond but her heart was racing so fast she couldn't understand then her vision started blackening around the edges. She said the three words he needed to hear than it all went black.

-CM-CM-

Emily groaned softly then opened her eyes. The bright lights made her eyes close again. A warm hand covered hers on the bed. Turning her head she opened her eyes once again.

"Emily, hey you're in the hospital. You fainted from shock." JJ's soft voice soothed.

Emily groaned again "What happened?" her mind was spinning.

"You don't remember?"

She shook her head. "No, I was clearing a room then Morgan called for help so I… oh my god! JJ, where is Aaron?" the machines she was hooked to started going off as panic set in. She push up and started to climb out of the bed.

"Em, no you can't get up. Hotch is in surgery." JJ said quickly gently pushing Emily back into the bed.

"What happened, JJ? Is he okay?" tears streamed from her eyes. Her heart was pounding and her chest was closing up. Her breaths were short and her body was shaking.

"Emily calm down. I know it's hard but you have to. I'll explain everything but you have to calm down. Breathe" JJ said on the verge of tears herself. She could see the panic and confusion in her dark haired colleagues face.

Emily tried to breathe but it wasn't helping. Her hands grasped at the bed sheet and her eyes clamped close. _Breathe Prentiss just breathe_ she told herself. He's okay. _He is with great doctors and he is going_ _to be fine_. Who was she kidding her husband was lying on an operating table being torn apart. Nothing was fine. She pictured him in her mind happy and smiling with their kids. He was holding Jack in his arms and Gracie was looking up at him. Gracie loved the man like no other even though he wasn't her real father; Aaron was the best the girl could ask for. Emily remembered the four of them at the park just last weekend. Aaron chased the kids around laughing as he caught them.

That happy picture morphed into the last time she saw him. Lying on his back covered in blood. Her eyes shot open again. "Tell me"

JJ looked over her friend "All I know is that the bullet went in his back. I can get Morgan if you want. He has been talking with the doctors."

"No, I want to be out there. I need to be there if the doctors come. Please JJ?" she pleaded.

JJ nodded. She helped Emily pull out her IVs and climb out of bed. "Take it slow." She warned not sure if this was the best option but she knew she wasn't going to stop her.

Emily thanked her with a small smile then headed out of the room. A little ways down the hall Morgan, Rossi and Reid sat in the waiting room. They all stood when the women walked in.

"Emily, are you okay?" Morgan asked pulling her into a fierce hug.

She nodded and pulled away. "How is he? What have the doctors said?"

Their faces fell once again as Rossi spoke up. "They only told us he could be in there for a while. The bullets weren't through and through. They are trying to get them out but he does have major damage to his lower back. The spinal cords in his lower back are damaged. I don't know what that all in tells but when he woke in the ambulance he couldn't feel his legs."

Emily fell into the seat behind her. _Bullets?_ Anger boiled in her veins. "How could he be so stupid? Why does he always have to be the fucking hero?" she knew it was wrong to be angry with him but she still was. "I need to talk to the doctor." She stood again but Rossi did too.

"Emily, I know this is hard but you have to wait. They will be out soon."

"Wait? Wait? You wait! I'm going to find out how my husband is!" she stormed off. Morgan ran to her side but he didn't stop her. He was probably making sure she didn't kill someone on her way to the nurse's desk.

"Aaron Hotchner, how is he?" she asked the first nurse she got to.

"And you are?" the red haired woman asked.

"His wife, now tell me how he is!" she snarled. She felt Morgan's hand on her back but she ignored it.

"Let me get his doctor Mrs. Hotchner."


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Any medical terms that are wrong I'm very sorry, I tried. Thanks for the reviews.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Chapter Two: Guilty

Emily slowly stepped into the room. A small gasp tore from her throat. The doctors and nurses warned her but it was still a shock to see her husband lying in the bed with tubes and wires running everywhere. His handsome face pale and warn and his arms adorn with IVs and such. How can someone so strong look so weak? She didn't have that answer but he did. She had never seen him so small and vulnerable. His face was aged with his eyes closed and his body was covered with a thin sheet. The blood was gone but she could still see it in her mind. She could still feel it on her. She wiped at her own hospital gown the nurse let her change into but she could still feel the warm red liquid covering her hands.

He had yet to wake from the drugs given to him for the surgery which was best she figured. Seeing her face at this moment would just tear him up even more. Tears streaked down her puff red eyes to her pale cheeks, her hand shaking and her body trying hard not to completely brake. She moved to his side. Her hand hovered over his too afraid to actually touch him. She didn't want to hurt him so instead she pulled up a chair and sat down.

Emily listened to the rhythmic beat of the machines around him. The only evidence he was still breathing, still alive. She tried to remember what the doctor had told her but at the time she was so distrait that she only caught every other word the man said. After the doctor left her Reid stepped in giving her the dumbed down version. The spinal cord in his lower vertebrae was not severed which was good. However the vertebral column was damaged but repaired with the surgery. Walking was still possible but he would have to go to rehab and really work at it. He would never move like he once did but if he tried he would get around just fine. His kidney was also damaged by the second bullet.

Guilt settled in her heart. He did this for her. This incredible man took two bullets for her. He risked his life for her. She ran through the shooting in her mind again and again. If she just looked behind her when she left the room this all would be just a bad dream. Her tears turned into sobs as she finally let herself grasp his hand. Her warm fingers intertwining with his cold ones, she held on as the guilt rose in her body. She didn't know if he would ever forgive her for such a stupid mistake and she would never ask him to but she needed him to know she was sorry.

The words ripped from her throat didn't even sound like her. They were raspy and thick. But they still came tumbling out. _I'm sorry_. Over and over she said them until a hand rubbed at her back.

Her head shot up. Rossi stood over her, his eyes swimming in sympathy. She didn't want that. Sympathy was too good for her. The hate and guilt was all she could have. She turned from him and looked back at Aaron.

"Emily, don't do this to yourself. You made a mistake. We all do sooner or later." Dave told her. He knew the look on her face. His words would be useless but he still spoke them. Emily would only be able to forgive herself when Aaron told her to.

"Because I was stupid he won't walk." She stated slowly. The fire in her words shocked her as much as the man behind her.

"He will walk. Aaron is a stubborn bastard. He will walk. And you are not stupid. You are one of the best agents I have ever had the privilege to work with. You need to forgive yourself so you can focus on him. He is going to need you more than ever now." He tried.

She gazed at the man on the bed. She would be there for him no matter what but she would never forgive herself for doing this to him, for ruining his life. "I need to call Garcia. She has Gracie and Haley needs to know. Can you stay with him? Please?"

"I can make those calls." She shook her head.

"No I need to." She stood and kissed Aaron's head. "I love you" she whispered then moved to the door. "Come get me if he wakes."

-CM-CM-

Garcia was the easy call to make. She wouldn't have to explain anything because the blonde already knew. So Emily called her first. Garcia reassured her that Gracie would be fine with her until Emily could make it home but Emily knew it would be a few weeks. Aaron's recovery would take some time but as soon as possible Emily would arrange to have him transferred to D.C. to finish.

Garcia would make arrangements with the rest of the team to get Gracie back and forth to school and her other activities. Emily hated to give in but her mother would also be able to help out. Other the past few months the Ambassador stepped up in the parent/grandparent role. The woman adored Gracie and Emily knew she would be willing to help in any way possible. Emily gave Garcia the number then said goodnight to her girl. Emily opted not to tell Gracie just yet about her father's injuries. Over the phone was not a good plan.

After ending the call Emily paced the small office the nurse so kindly let her use. Haley was next on the list. Even though the two women talked while picking up Jack or dropping him off they were not very fond of each other. The talk was strictly about the kids or Aaron.

Emily tried her best to be nice but she knew no women would ever be happy about their ex remarrying or the fact that their child was taken with the other woman. Jack was definitely taken with Emily. She figured it was mostly due to him wanting to be like Gracie but she wasn't complaining.

Dialing Haley's number Emily wished it would go to voicemail so she could just leave a message but when the familiar voice answered she took a deep breath and answered back.

"Hey Haley, it's Emily."

"Oh hey, what's going on?"

"It's Aaron, he was hurt today and he has to stay in the hospital for a few days possibly more depending. I just wanted you to know so Jack wouldn't be disappointed."

The phone was silent for a moment the Haley asked "What happened?"

"He was shot and has damage to his back. He went into surgery and they managed to fix most of it but he will be in a wheelchair for a while then with rehab he should be fine." She bit her lip to keep from crying.

"Oh my gosh. Was he not wearing the bullet vest?"

"He was but Kevlar vests only go so far down and the bullets went in below it."

"How did this happen, Emily? How did the guy get behind him?" that was the question Emily hoped to avoid but luck was not on her side today.

"The Unsub was behind me and Aaron dove in front of him. He pushed me to the ground but he took the shots."

The phone was silent again. Emily knew what was coming. She could feel it. "So Aaron is paralyzed because of you?"

Emily's tears welled up and finally let go. "Yes" she choked out. "He was shot because of me."

-CM-CM-

Haley hung up soon after Emily's confession and the brunette sat on the floor letting it all out. She cried until Dave came in telling her Aaron was waking. She dried her face and ran down the hall.

Emily pushed to door open and caught the gaze of her husband. "Emily" he whispered.

She took to his side and held his hand. She didn't know what to say but he wasn't looking for anything. He just wanted her to be there. She leaned over and kissed his dry lips softly. Her eyes stayed locked with his as the doctors and nurses worked around them moving tubes and rearranging machines. Her brown eyes told him the sorrow she felt and the guilt she carried.

The doctor told him the damage he took and his recovery plan. Hotch's mind swam with questions and worry. But all he could do was hold Emily's gaze and squeeze her hand softly, thanking God she was okay.

A/N: Leave a review and let me know what you think please!


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Thanks for the reviews. I'm glad you like it so far. There is light at the end of the tunnel but the tunnel is extremely long so bear with me.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Chapter Three: Feel Nothing

Hotch watched the woman in the chair next to his bed sleep. Her face was still tense as it had been for the past 48 hours. But this was the first time he saw her sleep. Her hair pulled back and her shoulders slouched in the chair, he knew what she was feeling. Guilt is a powerful emotion that could tear her apart if she let it. But he also knew any form of forgiveness he gave her she wouldn't accept. He would feel the same if the situation were reversed.

Glad that it wasn't he pulled at the sheet covering his legs and feet. Every alone moment he got he looked at his limp extremities. Inside he yelled for them to move but it never happened. It was odd to say the least. Just two days ago he was running around and now he couldn't get one toe to move. The doctors had explained everything to him but he was still baffled. Reid had even given him statistics about the recovery period and the genius was even stumped by the odds that a bullet would get lodged in his spine. It was a lucky shot from the Unsub.

"Hey" Emily's voice startled him. Hotch quickly threw the sheet back over his legs.

"Hey" he tried to smile. It wasn't working very well as Emily frowned at him.

"Are you okay?" she asked standing next to him. "Need anything?"

_My legs to work!_ He silently said. "No I'm good. Sleep well?" he asked aloud changing the subject.

Emily watched him turn away from her as he spoke. Her heart clenched. How could she even ask that? Of course he wasn't okay. She knew that. Every once in a while she would catch him starring at his legs. The guilt was laid on thick in those moments. What he lost for her was going to rip him apart and she knew eventually he would blame her. How could he not? She took everything from him. "I guess." She answered him.

Hotch sat silent for a moment. He was embarrassed that she caught him starring again. "Good" he whispered watching her emotions change in her dark eyes.

The look on her face told him everything she was feeling. That just made him feel worse. He never wanted her to feel guilty about what he did. It was him that dove in front of the bullets. It was him that pushed her away and felt the sharp pain in his back. He had been over it a million times in his head. But the outcome never changed.

He saw the Unsub at the end of the hall, a gun in his hand aimed at Emily's back. In a split second he ran to her pushing her to the ground but not enough time to make it himself. The pain wasn't immediate like most would think. His blood was pumping so fast and his attention was solely on Emily that he didn't feel it until the second one entered him. But still he was focused on her. He prayed that the bullets wouldn't go through him and into her. After that he felt nothing not until he woke up at the hospital. But even now he feels nothing. All sensation in his lower body was gone. And he didn't know how he should feel about that honestly.

"Do you think you're up to seeing the team today? They leave tonight to go back home." Emily asked keeping herself busy with cleaning up the trash on his tray.

"Actually I don't want to. Last time it was awkward and I think it's best if they don't see me like this." He still saw their faces. JJ had tears and Reid wouldn't stop talking about it and Morgan just sat there. It was weird and he didn't want to feel weak in front of his team. He's the leader. No leader wants to be seen as weak. "But you can go see them if you want." He offered.

"No it's okay. I'll just tell Dave not to worry about coming here. Umm… are you hungry or anything? Need more pain meds?" she felt useless. She just hovered which she knew he hated but what else could she do?

"I'm fine."

"Are you sure? The nurses said…"

"Emily I don't feel any pain. I don't feel anything so please I don't need medicine or food. Just let me be." He said through gritted teeth. Yelling at her would do no good he knew but having her and the nurses fussing over him was just irritating and he was getting frustrated.

"Sorry" she mumbled walking out of the room with tears rolling down her cheeks.

He sighed heavily throwing his hands over his face. He groaned loudly and took some deep breaths. Upsetting her wasn't going to help either he berated himself. He didn't want to go about yelling at her every time she asked if he needed anything but he also didn't want to be treated like a child. He could still do things just not things requiring movement. He groaned again.

Emily pushed the door to the restroom closed and locked it. Standing over the sink she looked into the mirror. Her eyes were red and puffy and her cheeks were stained with tears. She wiped her face trying to calm herself.

She pulled her cell out and dialed JJ.

"Hey JJ, I don't think he is up for visitors today." She said after JJ answered.

"Is he okay?"

"I don't know. I think it's all finally sinking in for him and he doesn't want to look weak in front of you guys." She ran her free hand through her hair.

"I got it. Okay well call if anything changes and when you plan on coming home. Garcia and I have everything with Gracie covered so focus on Hotch. And don't worry."

"Thanks JJ. Give Gracie a hug for me and tell her we love her. Depending on how long until he transfers maybe Derek can bring her out here. Aaron would like that." Her heart ached to see her daughter but it was best they wait until Hotch was healing more. At this point it had only been two days and he wasn't close to being ready for anyone to be hugging on him and Gracie would do just that.

"Sounds great and I will love all over her and so will everyone else."

"Thanks JJ, bye."

By the time Emily got her nerves under control and came back to Hotch's room he was sleeping. She stood at the end of his bed, her eyes filled to the brim with unshed tears. He would never understand how sorry she really was that this happened to him. She could tell him but he would never get how much she regrets walking out of that room. Walking around and taking his hand in her's, she kissed his head and murmured her love for him. She promised herself then that she would do everything in her power to help him through this hell she put him in.

"I'm sorry Aaron. I'm so so sorry." She whispered squeezing his hand and settling in her chair beside him.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Thanks for the reviews. Please let me know what you think. This chapter is not as depressing as the first three mainly because my muse was in a happy mood and couldn't get into the depressing mind set. So enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Chapter Four: Good days

Emily smiled as she watched Hotch talk happily on the phone to their daughter. Some days were good and some where bad but today was definitely was a good day. She woke up early this morning with his hand in hers and throughout the morning he hasn't moved it.

The bad days came more often than not and on those days he didn't touch her. And she didn't try to touch him either. They would keep to themselves as much as possible and only go about their new daily routine. They never talked about anything other than the kids and any new diagnosis the doctor came in with.

On bad days Emily felt the guilt weigh on her heart more than on the good days. It was always there every day but it felt like she was possessed with it on the bad days. Most of the time she would leave his room and find any empty restroom to lock herself in and cry. The tears were for him. For what he now has to live with and now live without.

They were also for their children. She had to sit on the phone listening to them cry just wanting to see them. Gracie cried herself to sleep many time in the past two week and it ate Emily alive. He still didn't want to see anyone and she respected his wishes. It was the least she could do.

Her tears were never for herself. She wouldn't pity herself with them. The blame would always be on her and she would have to accept it.

On good days like today he would touch her, kiss her, and love her. And she would do the same for him. They would joke and play around all day. Those days he would talk to Gracie and Jack happily instead of her pressuring him into it. Most importantly though on good days he would forgive her. Even though she wouldn't forgive herself she would accept his.

They would be touching all day in some form. Holding hands or she would even slide into the bed with him and he would hold her. She missed that the most. She missed him in her bed at night just holding her running his hands through her hair. She would put her head on his chest and listen to the soft beating of his heart and fell the rise and fall of his breathing. It always made her feel loved.

On good days he smiles. The way his dimples poke out of his cheeks and the way the wrinkles in his forehead fades away always melts her heart. His smile was one of the things she fell in love with first.

Hotch squeezed her hand and pulled at it softly getting her attention. She looked up at him and smiled. "What are you thinking about?" he asked.

"Nothing. What did Gracie say?" she quickly recovered from her musings.

"Not much just talking about school and a birthday party she was invited to. She asked if she could go. Can you call JJ later and make arrangements for her?"

"Of course. Do you want to call Jack?"

Hotch thought for a moment but shook his head. "Not now, I'll call tonight before bed." He smiled.

She felt her knees go weak as she stood up next to him. His eyes looked deep in her and she couldn't help the twinge in her stomach. "What?" she whispered as he stared at her.

He shook his head but pulled her to him. She leaned down and brought her lips to his. The kiss was soft and sweet but as his hand moved to the back of her head he deepened the kiss pushing his tongue in her mouth. A low moan passed through Emily's lips and into his mouth. Her body automatically moved as close as she could get without climbing on the bed.

When they broke apart she smiled as Hotch kissed her cheeks and nose. She cupped his face and kissed him again then pulled back. "I love you"

"I love you too." he said huskily.

"Knock knock, sorry to interrupt but we have a wheelchair for you Mr. Hotchner." His day nurse Maria said wheeling in the chair.

Emily pulled away but held his hand in hers. "Does he get to get in it?"

"Yes ma'am. Since you are doing well sitting up Dr. Marks said to get you moving around so you are allowed to get in to the chair and maybe you can persuade your wife to push you around." Maria started pushing buttons on his bed moving him to a sitting position and taking off any wires holding him back. "Alright now, I can help you or Emily can. You are going to have to use your arms to move your body and legs."

"Emily can help" he said quickly. She walked over and stood at his legs waiting for him to give her instructions. She didn't want to just start moving if he wasn't ready.

Hotch was excited to get out of the bed but he didn't know how to go about doing it. With his arms supporting his body he slid to the edge of the bed. He nodded at Emily to take his legs as he moved one arm to the wheelchair that Maria was holding still. Slowly he slid off the bed and into the chair and Emily moved his legs to the feet steps on the chair. "How do others do this?" he asked the nurse.

"Basically just like that. You will be doing it over and over and soon you won't even need help." She encouraged.

"Okay. Am I allowed to go outside?"

"There is a small garden near the ER if you like or you can just take a spin around the hallways." Maria smiled and left the room.

"Are you okay?" Emily asked standing in front of him.

"Yeah, I need to work out my arms more." He chuckled. "Let's go outside."

Emily let him maneuver his chair out the door and to the garden. The smile plastered on her face never left.

The garden was small but had a pathway around it where the benches were placed for sitting but he didn't want to stop. But after a few laps around the garden he parked himself near the waterfall in the middle. "C'mere" he pulled at Emily's hand.

"What?" She asked standing at his knees.

"Sit with me." He kept pulling at her.

"Aaron I don't want to hurt you. Let's go sit by the bench." She said pointing to the nearest bench.

"Emily, you're not going to hurt me. Sit down. I want to hold you."

Emily finally gave up and moved to his lap. Hotch wrapped his arms around her and nuzzled his nose into her neck. Emily turned into him and kissed his cheek. "I love your smile." She traced his lips with her finger.

"I love yours too." he kissed her fingers. "I can't wait to go home."

"I know but Dr. Marks doesn't want to transfer you yet. He said your back needs to heal up more than you can."

"I guess. I just miss Gracie and Jack so much and want to be home with them."

"We will baby, soon okay?" she kissed him softly. She missed the kids too but it was best if he stayed here for now.

"Yeah" he smiled down at her.

They stayed in the garden for a while taking in the sun's rays and enjoying the soft breeze. It was definitely a good day.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Thank you for the reviews. I love reading your thoughts! The beginning is depressing sorry! But the end is fun so enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Chapter Five: Humorous Hotch

_Emily woke up on the cold wet carpet with something weighing her down. Moving slightly she couldn't get out from underneath it. She cried out suddenly and tucked herself in to the weight as shots rang out in the room. When they stopped she let out a breath. Looking around she noticed a kitchen ahead of her and tried to move again. When that didn't help she turned her head to see what was on top of her. _

_Aaron._

_He groaned softly. _

"_Oh gosh" she cried out. Pulling at the muddy carpet she slowly slid out from beneath him and softly turned him over. Carefully she laid his head down and looked down his body._

_Blood was everywhere, on her clothes, on the floor, on him._

_Tears streamed down her face as she leaned over cupping his face in her bloody hands begging him to wake up. His eyes stayed closed. She heard herself asking for help, yelling for someone to come but the house was empty. They were alone. _

_Emily turned back to Aaron. The blood was pooled under him but she sat in it anyways. She called to him again asking him to wake up, telling him she loves him. But he didn't. She checked for his pulse but she didn't find one. He was gone._

_Emily kissed his cold blue lips and continued to cry out, begging anyone to help her._

Sitting up violently panting and crying Emily opened her eyes. White room… hospital… Aaron's room. She wiped at her wet face and tried to get her bearings back. She looked to the bed and up at his face.

"Hey" he said softly.

_He's alive!_ "Hey" she stood up and grabbed his hand. She held back the urge to jump on him and hold him tight.

"I have them too." he confessed looking away. He wasn't thrilled with the idea of being vulnerable confessing like that but with her having them too he would.

Emily shot him a look then her heart clenched. "I'm so sorry Aaron." She couldn't help the tears rolling down her face. Her heart was breaking and she didn't know if it would ever be put back together.

Hotch squeezed her hand. "You have nothing to be sorry about sweetheart." He raised her hand to his mouth kissing it as his dark eyes bore into hers. Sorrow and guilt was all he saw.

"Yes I do." She breathed out with her head down.

Hotch looked to her. He tilted her chin with his hand making sure she was really listening. "No you don't. Emily I was the one who ran in front of the bullets. And I don't regret my decision and I never will. I would do it over and over if it meant keeping you safe."

Emily took in his words. She let them wash over her like the rain pouring down outside. Her heart beat heavily in her chest and her eyes closed briefly.

When she pulled her hand from his he went to argue but then she climbed into bed with him. He moved over letting her lay at his side. She silently helped him move his legs then laid back curling into his open arms. "Hold me" she whispered through her tears.

"Always, I will always be here to hold you." He promised.

Emily heart swelled with love for the man before her. Taking his face in her hands she smiled as best she could and kissed him. When she pulled away she laid her head on his chest letting his heartbeat sooth her aching heart.

Hotch wrapped her up in his arms and whispered his love to her until she was safely asleep.

-CM-CM-CM-

Just as the morning nurse came in to do her morning check and charts Emily's eye fluttered open. Taken by the lights and sunshine from the window she quickly shut them and buried her face into the warm chest next to her. She smiled happily as she remembered the night before. Hotch was holding her, she giggled softly. Emily looked up when Hotch started to stir. "Morning" she kissed his cheek when his dark eyes opened.

He smiled down at her. "Morning"

"Mr. Hotchner, sorry to be a pain but I have your pills to take." The nurse said setting them on his tray and moving it to him.

"Thanks, what's on the docket today?" he asked stretching lightly and taking the offered glass of water.

"I believe Dr. Marks has you down for x-rays at 10 and the hospital's psychologist will come by this afternoon." She answered looking over his charts.

"Psychologist? Why?" Emily asked before he could.

"Along with the physical nature of your trauma there is also psychological and emotional. Anyone who has a spinal cord injury has to meet with him but it's only once to get all the information you might need. You seem to have a great support system but many others don't. It's a very long journey to get back to what you were before." She said to Hotch sympathetically.

"Okay then, is there time for a shower because I'm starting to stink?" Hotch laughed. Showering at the hospital was rather easy for him, there's a chair in the oversized shower so he didn't have to have too much help.

"Of course, do you need me or is your wife going to help?"

"I'll do it." Emily smiled wiggling her eyebrows at Hotch.

Hotch laughed and Emily giggled but the nurse wasn't so crazy about the idea. "None of that." She said with a tight smile.

"Yeah Em, none of that." Hotch whispered to her as she got out of the bed. She turned to him and winked.

"Alright I'm going to go freshen up and grab coffee and breakfast. Do you want any?" she asked as the nurse left the room.

"Yes please." He moved the bed into a sitting position and grabbed at his daily newspaper the nurses always brought him every morning. Emily said goodbye giving him a kiss and left.

Hotch read his paper but was soon bored with it. He would turn on the TV but all that would be on was the news and he didn't care for that. So instead he reached for his wheel chair and pulled it to the side of the bed. He had never got in it without help but strangely he was feeling very independent and decided to try it himself.

Locking the wheels so the chair wouldn't go flying when he put weight on it he moved his legs around maneuvering himself on the edge of the bed. Moving one arm and leg at a time he managed to get half of himself into the chair. Chuckling slightly he grabbed under his knee with his hand and pulled it over to the foot step on the chair.

Letting out a breath he smiled triumphantly. Mentally doing a fist pump he wheeled the chair around to the foot of the bed and looked back at it. "I did it." He whispered in the empty room.

After doing a few laps around the room in his chair he looked at the clock. Emily had been gone a while and he was starting to get restless. Deciding to get freshened up himself he opened the restroom door and wheel in. He easily pulled off his shirt and started to work on getting his scrub pants off. He was lucky to have a day nurse who loved him because otherwise he would be stuck wearing the hospital gowns. And that would not be a happy sight.

"Aaron? Where are you?" Emily asked walking into the seemingly empty room.

"Restroom" he yelled out the door.

Emily walked to the closed door and pulled it open. "What the hell are you doing?" she asked.

"Using the restroom. Is that okay with you?" he asked smiling at her concerned face.

"Please tell me you didn't get in here by yourself?"

"Can't sorry." He went about taking his pants off his legs.

"Are you okay? You didn't hurt anything did you?" she went to him.

"No I didn't. I'm fine. Now if you will excuse me I'm going to shower." He said proudly.

Emily chuckled thinking he just looked like Jack the first time the boy used the potty. "You don't want my help?"

"Emily don't you remember what Nurse Maria said?" he asked trying not to smile.

"You just think you're so funny! Where in the hell did you get this new found humor?" she laughed.

"It's all I got going for me these days. I can't sweep you off your feet because I can't standup but I can make you swoon with my humor." He joked.

"Whatever" she rolled her eyes "but at least let me help you into the shower chair."

"I can do it myself. Go eat."

She huffed but kissed his cheek and before leaving reminded him not to get his stitches in his back too wet. Inside she was so proud that he did it and that it gave him confidence that he was starting to lose having everything done for him.

Soon after Hotch got out of the shower and dressed again with some help from Emily this time he had to scarf down his breakfast and get ready for x-rays.

The x-ray technician came down to get him at his appointed time. Hotch liked getting x-rays main because that was the only time he got to talk to another man. Emily and the nurses were great but Hotch was a manly man. He liked to talk football and baseball not shoes and makeup. Sam, the tech, was just about Hotch's age so they got along great.

Rolling back into his room he stopped and cringed slightly. "Strauss" he put on his fake political smile and waited for the shoe to drop.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Chapter Six: Changes

Hotch fidgeted slightly in his wheelchair. The minute he saw Erin Strauss in his hospital room he knew it was bad news. Section Chief Strauss would not cross two state lines just to see how he was, hell she wouldn't even pick up a phone to see if he was alright. It wasn't a secret he was on her bad list. She wants him out of the BAU and he knew it.

"So…" Hotch started, eyeing Emily as if trying to get her to say something. She just smiled awkwardly and diverted her eyes.

"Agent Hotchner, I came to give you this." Strauss said handing him a large packet. "I know you are not expecting this but from your weekly updates the Director and I get we thought this was your best option. Of course you don't have to take it but…"

"Retirement? You want me to leave the bureau?" Hotch asked after opening the seal and reading the first few lines.

"Aaron you have to realize it's been weeks and your progress is very slow. You will not be allowed in the field in your condition. Now if you wish to remain in the bureau you will be transferred to another section." Strauss said somewhat sympathetically.

Hotch was pissed to say the least. His jaw was clenched and his hands balled into fists. He was going to walk. He was going to be the agent he once was. His mind was spinning when Emily stepped in.

"What happens if he does walk again? Can he get back in the BAU?"

"I don't know. If there is an opening, I suppose so." Strauss turned her attention to the brunette. "Agent Hotchner isn't the only reason I came. Agent Prentiss your leave is coming to a close and the team needs you back. If not you will be moved and replaced."

"What? You can't do that!" Emily stood but Hotch grabbed her hand before she could move too far.

"Your team is down two agents and they need help. Rossi told me he called you about this." Strauss argued.

Emily hesitated looking at Hotch's questioning eyes. She chose not to tell him her leave was ending soon. Things had been going so well she didn't want to spoil it. Worrying him wouldn't help anything. Looking back at Strauss she answered calmly "He did but I didn't think you would replace me. Aaron will be transferred to D.C. soon. And I will be coming back but how can I leave my husband here alone?" She tightened her grip on his hand.

"I know you both think I don't have a heart but I do. I don't know what you are going through but I'm very sorry to upset either of you. But I do have a job to do. Depending on when you come home I will try to get the Director to hold off on replacing Emily but Aaron we do have to. I'm sorry. But whether or not it is permanent I guess is up to you."

Hotch nodded slowly. "Do I have time to think about it?"

"Yes if you need call me by next Monday with your answer. Again I am sorry to do this to you. Emily I can't imagine what you are feeling either but if it was my husband I wouldn't leave either." She said softly and then left.

Emily and Hotch starred at the door, both stewing over everything.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Hotch asked his face in his normal grim frown.

Emily sighed. "I didn't want to worry you about anything. I was hoping you would be transferred and I would go back. I'm sorry Aaron." She finally turned to face him. His dark eyes showed his hurt.

"Emily what are you going to do if I'm not transferred?"

"I'm not leaving you. I don't care if I get fired over it." She whispered before leaving the room. She knew he needed to be alone. If she didn't leave the room they would end up fighting and things would be said. She didn't want that. After being married for just under a year she knew what battles to fight with him. This wasn't one she wanted or he needed.

Stopping in the empty hallway she leaned against the wall. She let it hold the brunt of her burden, the lie she knew that hurt him and the guilt he was sure to feel because of her not wanting to leave him.

At the end of the day it was Emily's decision to stay with Hotch or to go back home to work. Over the weeks she thought about going home to Gracie and to work but how can she leave her husband, her best friend, in the hospital by himself? Leaving the BAU wouldn't be that bad. She thought about it when she adopted Gracie and thought it would give her more time with her daughter. But at the time she didn't want to leave. The BAU was a dream of hers and she fought hard for it. Emily proved herself to the team and to the bureau over and over.

But now it was presented to her again. Would she be okay leaving now for her husband? He sacrificed his life for her when he took the bullets for her could she do the same?

Hotch watched Emily leave and thought it was best. He was understandably angry. Fighting with her wouldn't help anything.

He slowly moved himself over to his bed and carefully lifted himself into it. After adjusting his legs he laid back. He really was getting the hang of it and pride grew inside of him. it was about time he took his life back in his own hands even if his life was a mess.

Hotch looked to the packet on the counter. Retirement…he was too young to retire. But that wasn't the real issue. He could turn that down and stay with the bureau. Leaving the BAU, that was the real issue. The BAU was such a part of who he is that he wasn't sure who he would be without it. He was Unit Chief SSA Aaron Hotchner. Now he had to be just Aaron Hotchner.

_Husband and father_

He grinned a bit and nodded to himself. That sounds pretty good too.

When Emily re-entered Hotch's room she was pleasantly surprised to find him watching the TV with a smile on his face. She starred for a moment taking in the way his dimples peaked out slightly and how his mouth was bowed just perfectly in to the smile. Every time he smiled her heart seam to skip a beat. He was amazing. She sighed.

"Hey" she walked to him.

"Hi, are you okay?" he asked softly.

"Yes"

He smiled brighter. "I made a decision and I hope your okay with it. I'm not taking retirement but I am staying with the bureau. Even if I have to give up the BAU I want to stay. Plus with me not being in the field I will probably get a desk job and that means I get to spend more time with the kids."

Tears sprang in her eyes but she smiled through it. "I'm glad you're okay with it."

"Oddly I am. I still get to work but I miss Gracie and Jack so much. And hey maybe Jack can stay with us more... I'm okay with this."

Emily hugged him tight. The admiration for the man in her arms grew even more in her heart, even losing the thing that defined him didn't get him down. Emily wiped at her wet face.

"What have you decided?" he asked pointedly.

She hesitated but as he smiled once again she let out a breath. "I want to stay with the BAU but I want to stay with you too. I'm not sure what to do."

Hotch nodded. He knew she was between a rock and a hard place. It couldn't be easy to make that choice but they would know soon if he was able to transfer back home. "Let's wait to see what Dr. Marks has to say then if you have to you can go home. I really am fine on my own. I'm getting really good at getting around and I'm learning my own ways of doing things. I'll be fine."

"But who will keep you company? Who's going to make watching _Day of Our Lives_ bearable?" she joked climbing into his bed and curling up with him.

"I'm sure I can talk Maria into making up even crazier scenarios then the show already has with me. I bet she can do a mean Kate." He kissed her head.

"See I leave and you soap cheat. I guess Dave will have to start wearing the 'frown' to work so I don't miss it too much." She giggled as he tickled at her hip. "I love you."

"I love you too. Hey, now you can change your name to Hotchner. I hate when people call you Prentiss."

"You just like people to know I'm yours. You're possessive!"

"Damn straight. You are mine… forever!" he whispered then kissed her with all his love.

**A/N**: Okay I hope Strauss didn't bring too much disappointment. I know she's not the happiest person but I think at the end of the day she does have a heart. And I know I have been neglecting the rest of the team but they will be coming back real soon. Let me know what you think!


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Thanks for the reviews. This chapter was a little harder there is a lot to be told but I was also tired of writing angst and I was toying with idea of upping the rating but decided against it. So for some just use your imagination! :) And I promise the team is in the next chapter! Side note is anyone else having issues with not recieving email alerts for reviews and story alerts?

Chapter Seven: Home

Hotch watched the woman next to him sleep. The past few days had been long and exhausting. After meeting with Strauss his doctor came in to do a few test which Hotch ended up passing with flying colors and then the doc gave him the go ahead to go home but he was under strict instructions to get to the recommended doctor and physical therapist as soon as possible.

But before he left some of the sensations in his legs came back which made him stay another day getting more test done. By the end of the day everyone was happy about the progress and Hotch was thrilled to be feeling anything in his lower extremities.

He smiled at the joke Emily had made. She asked to play footsies with him. The whole room had laughed and he told her she could. Then he explained all he felt was tingles, it wasn't like feeling someone touch your leg. It was more of if something touched him he felt tingles like after sitting on your legs for so long they start to tingle. Emily told him with a sly smile that she still wanted to play. That still made him laugh.

Hotch reached over and moved some of her unruly dark locks from her face as she slept. She looked so peaceful and happy. It pained him to see her any other way. And that's exactly what he has seen over the last few weeks since the shooting. Her smile never reached her eyes and her giggle was never full. Even when it was just them she still held back. He hated that. But when they got home that morning he saw her smile.

Gracie ran into her arms as soon as the door was opened and finally her beautiful smile did reach her eyes. The dark orbs brightened as their daughter held onto her as tight as possible. Gracie was more relaxed with her hugs for him but he expected that.

Before they came home Emily asked Dave to talk to Gracie about Hotch being in a wheel chair. Even thought the girl was older almost nine, Hotch was afraid it might scare her some. And he was right but that was okay. They had been away for so long that just seeing his daughter was enough for him.

Jack was another story though. The boy was so excited he ran right in and climbed on to his father without a care in the world as to why he was in a wheelchair.

They day was spent getting back into a routine with their kids and he was in heaven. Emily's smile never faded and she truly looked happy.

"Why are you awake?" Emily's groggy voice broke through his thoughts.

"Can't sleep, did I wake you?" he stared down at her.

"Kinda but that's okay" she snuggled closer to him and lifted her face for a kiss. It was soft and sweet like always.

Hotch wrapped his arms around her pulling her over his body without breaking the kiss. His arms ran up and down her back as her hands planted on either side of his head effectively holding herself up. "I have missed you so much." He whispered after breaking away for air.

"I'm right here. I've always been right here." she cupped his face and kissed him again. This time it was full of passion and love. She softly nipped at his bottom lip till he opened his mouth so she could explore with her tongue.

Soon they were breaking for air but Emily wasn't backing down. She kissed from his jaw to his ear "I want you" she purred sending chills down his neck.

His hands moved under her tank top and explored the soft skin at her hips and back. "Baby, I don't know if I can." He admitted softly.

When he had is consultation with the hospital psychologist he told Hotch things would be different in their physical relationship. His body might respond differently then it normally would and he could get upset with himself which would make things worse.

"Try Aaron." Her eyes darkened and her hand roamed over his naked chest.

"Em, I…" he started taking her hands in his. "I don't want to disappoint you."

Emily looked into his eyes. She understood he was frustrated with himself but it had been so long had she really missed him. "Aaron Hotchner, you could never disappoint me. If you can't then we can stop but sweetheart don't ever think I would be disappointed in you. I love you so much." Not waiting for an answer she captured his lips in a searing kiss.

Hotch responded in turn by pulling her down over him and running his hands through her hair. He was still very hesitant but how could he say no to his wife?

-CM-CM-

"Are you okay sweetheart?" he asked rubbing soothing circles over her bare back as she collapsed on top of him.

"Just give me a second." She chuckled as her breaths tried hard to even out. He kissed her shoulder and along her neck till she caught her breath and then he captured her lips with his.

"God you drive me crazy." She sighed rolling off him and cuddling into his side.

"Sorry" he smiled. "I'm so happy to be home."

She chuckled "Yeah I don't think that would've worked in your hospital bed."

He laughed. "I didn't mean it like that. I'm just glad to be home with the kids and you."

"Me too" she kissed his cheek. "Are you okay about Gracie?" she asked cautiously.

"Yeah, I guess. I mean I would be better if she wasn't afraid she would hurt me but as long as I'm here and get to see and hear her I'm good."

"Can you believe Jack? He was so sweet. That boy adores you." Emily smiled through a yawn.

"That he does and I feel the same. I thought it would be switched you know? Gracie being fine and Jack scared."

"I'm sure in a few days she will be fine. I think it's just a shock to her. It puts in her head that we can get hurt and it can be bad."

"I don't want her to think that. I don't want her to think about all the bad in the world. She's just a little girl." He explained. If it was up to him his little girl would be put in a very tall castle for the rest of her life. He didn't want their work world to affect either of his kids.

"As she grows I think it will make her more aware and I don't think that is a bad thing. I get she's only eight but soon she will be eighteen and then what?" she reasoned.

"I know but I don't like to think that." He smiled at her stubbornly.

"I love you" she kissed him and closed her eyes.

"Love you too." he said as he watched her fall asleep with a smile on her face.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N:** Wow it's been a very long time sorry! My muse kind of left this story but it is coming back so hopefully I can get this story moving again. Again sorry for the wait, hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

**Chapter Eight**: Work and Worries

Two days after coming home Emily was expected back at work. She hated to leave Aaron alone but as it turned out Gracie had a day off at school. It gave her some peace to know Gracie was at home with him even if the girl wouldn't be able to do much in the way of helping Hotch move around but she could get him anything he might need.

Gracie was still skittish around her father most of the time. Like not hugging him tight like she use too now she gave a half hearted smile and one arm wrap around his shoulders. Or making sure to stay many feet away from him even though Jack climbs all over the wheelchair but she was happy to stay at home and help him when Emily left in the morning so that gave her comfort.

Emily put her worries behind her as she walked into the BAU bullpen but frowned as she looked at her desk. The normally clean and ordered desk was cluttered with files and books. She could barely see the desktop itself let alone the computer.

"Good morning Princess!" Morgan turned to see his partner then looked at her desk with a wince. "Yeah sorry about that JJ and I had a ton of work the past few weeks so she temporarily moved half her office down here. I'll help clean it up." He offered getting up from his desk and walked up next to the still frowning agent.

"Uh, no I can do it. Is JJ in her office?" she asked snapping out of it and put her bag down along with her morning coffee.

"Yep. Let me know if you need any help. By the way how is Hotch doing? We've been meaning to come by." The team decided to give the family time alone to get back into things before they bombarded them. They all missed both Hotch and Emily but they needed time with their kids more than seeing them.

"He's doing good. Thanks I'll see you later." She cut the topic of Hotch off fast not wanting to bring her worries about leaving him back into her mind. This is work focus on work, she told herself over and over as she grabbed an arm load of files and trudged up to JJ's office.

"Knock knock, hey JJ." Emily smiled at the blonde as she plopped the files down next JJ's desk.

"Hey, I'm so glad your back!" JJ hugged her friend. "How's Hotch?"

Emily rolled her eyes. She should've known he was going to be the topic of the day. She just wished he wasn't so she didn't have to stress out. "He's good."

"But your not?" JJ asked reading her like she always did.

"Not really but hopefully if he needs anything he'll call instead of being his normal stubborn self. Gracie's at home with him though." Emily took a seat on the small couch and JJ sat next to her.

"Is he getting around better?"

"Yeah he really is doing great and he's slowly getting sensation back in his legs which is…amazing but I don't want him to push himself too hard. Me being there makes him behave somewhat but now I'm at work and I just don't want him to try too much and hurt more." She explained.

"Well, I'm not sure how to prevent Hotch from being Hotch" they both laughed a little. "But I'm sure Gracie will take care of him." JJ said.

"I wanted to thank you again for helping with Gracie for the past few weeks. She seemed really happy when we got home and I'm happy she didn't cause trouble for you." Emily gladly accepted the change in subject or she would be calling him up at the very moment to make sure he hadn't killed himself yet.

"She wasn't any trouble at all. But I know she was thrilled to have you back." JJ said then both women looked up to see Dave standing at the door.

"Morning ladies, we have a case so let's meet in ten?" Dave said throwing Emily a nod and walked away.

"Better get in gear huh?" Emily smiled at JJ.

-CM-CM-

Hotch growled to himself as he eyed a book on the top shelf of the bookcase in his bedroom. Knowing it wasn't going to magically land in his lap he still stared at it. Locking the brakes on his wheelchair he scooted forward in the chair and grasped the shelf closest to him.

Right before he was about to pull himself up he spotted a dark haired little girl watching him. he turned and smiled at her. "Hey Grace. What are you up too?"

"Nothing, do you need any help. Mom told me to keep an eye on you."

"I'm fine honey but you are more than welcome to stay and keep me company." He hoped her would agree but the uncertainty on her face told him she wouldn't.

"I think I have some homework to finish." Gracie told him then left.

Hotch sighed to himself leaning back in his chair. It was frustrating to be home finally after weeks in a hospital and have his daughter scared to come near him. It not only broke his heart that she was upset about the situation but also the distance it put between them. When he was able to get her in the same room as him she barely spoke. She walked around the house with a permanent frown much like he did before Emily and Gracie came into his life.

Shaking his thought from him he looked back up at the bookshelf.

-CM-CM-

Gracie looked up from her book at a loud crash coming from the study her father was just in. running as fast as she could she froze at the sight in front of her. "Daddy!"

**A/N**: I know I'm mean. Let me know what you think!


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

**Chapter Nine**: Conflict Resolved

"Daddy!" Gracie stared at her father on the ground. He was lying on his back and the wheelchair was turned over next to him. With tears in her blue eyes the eight year old rushed to him.

"I'm okay" he told her waving off her small hands. After standing from the chair his legs gave out and he fell but as he reached for the wheelchair it turned over. He wasn't physically hurt.

Gracie backed away giving him room to move himself and fix the chair. "Do you need help? I can…"

"No, Gracie just go play." He told her coldly. He didn't mean to speak like that to her but his pride was wounded. He just wanted a few minutes alone to gather himself. After she turned and ran from the room he dropped his head and sat there on the floor.

Hotch had been doing so well the past few days. He was able to do most anything he needed but standing to grab things. Luckily Emily had taken anything he might need and lowered them except for the book he wanted. Shaking his head he corrected himself, he only wanted the book because it was up high and he wanted to prove to himself that he could do it.

Righting the wheelchair he locked the wheels and pulled himself into it. Panting slightly from the exertion he wheeled out of his study and down the hall. Stopping at Gracie's door he heard her talking.

"_I'm so stupid! I can't take care of daddy. I'm gonna hurt him!"_ he could heard the tears falling from her eyes and his heart clenched. He was such an idiot! How could he have let his daughter think she hurt him? Or that she wasn't able to help him?

He tuned her out as she ranted again. He couldn't take more of it. His heart was breaking. Hotch wheeled past her door, he couldn't bear to face her yet, and into his room. He stopped at the end of the bed holding back his own tears.

-CM-CM-

Emily slammed down her phone and ran her hand down her face. Her mind was spinning and her heart was hurting. Making up her mind she stomped back into the briefing room and stopped as all eyes landed on her.

"Em, what's wrong?" JJ asked seeing the concern in the friends face.

"I need to go. Hotch fell and Gracie is… freaking out I guess. I just need to go home." she turned to Rossi, who had taken over Unit Chief. "Please?" her dark eyes begged him.

Nodding in agreement "Of course, make sure to kick his ass because you know he was down something he wasn't supposed to." The man said with a sad smile.

"Is he okay?" Garcia spoke up.

"Yeah Gracie said he's fine but I guess he was a little short with her and she's crying." Emily told the group putting them all at ease somewhat. She quickly gathered her things and raced out of the building.

When she pulled into the drive it was almost 45 minutes after the call. She prayed that Gracie was calmer now but she didn't get her hopes up too much. She knew that Gracie was already afraid of hurting Hotch but if he said something to upset her Emily knew it was going to take a lot of encouragement to fix it.

Walking in the house was quiet and somewhat dark. The curtains in the living room were drawn closed and the lights were out. Putting her things down, she walked down the hall and stopped at her and Hotch's room. She pushed open the door to find her husband sitting in his wheelchair with his head down like he fell asleep sitting there. Closing the door behind her she walked to him to find that he did not fall asleep.

"What are you doing home?" his voice was low and full of sorrow.

"Gracie called." She whispered as she bent down on her knees and took his face in her hands. "Are you okay?" she asked softly wiping the tears from his cheeks.

Shaking his head slightly he whispered back "No". His eyes finally met hers and her heart broke further.

"What happened?"

Taking a breath he answered "I was reaching for something and I fell. Gracie came into help but I told her to go away basically. I honestly wasn't thinking when I did it. I was just being a pitiful jackass and she ran out. I'm so sorry Emily. I heard what she was saying in her room but I could go in there yet. I screwed up."

Emily was mad he dismissed their daughter like that knowing the state she was already in but she understood. The Alpha Male in him just hurt. Not physically but mentally. Any man like Hotch would be in the same position. "Well I think it's time because she was so upset on the phone and she's scared that if she's near you she's gonna hurt you. You can't let her think that. Remember what you told me?" at his nod she went on "You don't want our children to know what our job can do to us. I can reassure her and encourage her but you are the only one that can put her fears to rest."

Hotch nodded and looked up at her again. "Thanks" then he wheels away.

Emily waited for a few minutes then followed down the hall to find Hotch knock on the door and asking for Gracie. She didn't answer back so Emily knocked. "Gracie its mom can we come in?"

A few seconds later the door was opened and Gracie found her mother's gaze. Emily's own eyes swelled with tears but she didn't let them fall. She took her daughter into her arms and held her tight. "It's okay sweetie. Come on let's talk to dad. He has something to tell you."

Gracie moved away from her mother quickly. "No! I'll hurt him. I can't talk to him." she turned as her father wheeled into her room. She balled her fists. She was trapped.

"Gracie, you are not going to hurt me. I fell all on my own. You had nothing to do with it." He started.

"No, you didn't fall until mom left. If mom was here you wouldn't have fell by you did coz of me!"

Emily stalked forward and took her daughter into her arms. "No Gracie. Dad was just trying to do something on his own and I wasn't here to stop him. It's okay. He isn't hurt."

"Gracie, I'm sorry I dismissed you like that. My pride was wounded and I was mad at myself not you. You are the best daughter anyone could ask for and I'm so lucky to have you here." Hotch said his hands trembling to hold his hurt girl. "Come here honey."

Gracie cautiously looked at her mother then back at her father. She carefully stepped forward a few feet still between them and stopped. Hotch frowned slightly then gave a look to Emily. She nodded and stood up behind the girl. She carefully lifted her into her arms and moved closer to Hotch. "Mommy, not so close. Don't hurt him." Gracie told her watching the feet between her mother's feet and fathers chair diminish.

"I'm not going to hurt daddy and neither are you. Sit on his lap and let him talk to you." Emily deposited the girl on his lap and went to the door. "I'll give you a few."

Gracie wanted to object but let it go as her father's arms wrapped around her. Hotch looked his daughter in the eyes and smiled. "You aren't hurting me. See?" he wiggled a little getting a half smile out of the girl. "You don't ever have to be afraid to be near me. You didn't do this to me honey. A very bad man did and you help me feel better."

"How?" she cocked an eyebrow letting her hands rest on his forearms.

"By being here. By talking to me and giving me lots of hugs. I need those to make me feel better." He told her hugging her to him.

"I don't want you to be hurt. My first mommy was hurt and she didn't come back." she told him.

Hotch nodded trying to think of what Emily would say in this situation. Probably something sweet and nurturing he thought. "Your first mommy was hurt and didn't come back but I came back. I had really good doctors while me and mommy where at the hospital and they fixed me."

"But you can't walk. That's not fixed dad. Your broken." Her words hit his heart. He was broken.

Shaking that off, he smiled. "I am but I can be fixed and soon I will be able to walk again. I don't want you to worry. That's mom's job." He smiled again and kissed her head. "Okay?"

Gracie nodded slowly. "Yeah, okay. But no more trying to get books." She told him sternly.

"No more trying to get books." He agreed. "Why don't we go see what mom's doing?"

"Can I ride with you?" she asked cautiously.

"Of course." He smiled and wheeled them out of the room.

**A/N**: Thank you for the reviews! Glad everyone is still interested!


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

**Chapter Ten**: Mistakes All Around

Later that night after Emily and Hotch calmed Gracie down and spent the night encouraging her to be more confident when helping her father they settled in on the couch. "She's out cold." Emily said just coming back from tucking Gracie in. The brunette climbed in next to Hotch and smirked as his arms wrapped around her.

"How was work?" he asked her turning the TV off so they could talk.

"It was good except I wasn't there long." She reminded him. "I know you really don't want to hear this and I already know your answer but I really think we should look into someone who could come stay here while I'm at work." She felt him tense immediately and bit her lip in anticipation.

"Emily…" he groaned. He didn't want a babysitter. He was a grown man for heaven sakes. He didn't need someone to look after him.

"I get the whole Alpha Male thing and I'm not going to force this but Aaron, what happens when you try to reach for something else but you get hurt? Gracie will go back to school and I will be at work. You still have a few weeks before you can go back and until then I'm going to be a nervous wreck while I'm away." She turned in his arms and placed a hand on his chest. "What happens when I have to go on a case and can't get out of it to be here?"

"Emily, I'm not some kid. I can take care of myself. Just because I let you feel useful by helping doesn't mean I need you. I don't need anyone. I'm a grown man." He said nearly screaming at her then came to a panting stop.

Emily's jaw dropped as she moved away from him. "Well, if you don't need me I'm going to bed." She stood up and dropped the blanket from her hands into his lap. "I'll let you make up the couch all by yourself. Hope its comfy." She spat at him then walked away. When she reached her room her temper was still flying high. He didn't need her. Well fine! She didn't have to spend her time making sure he had everything he might need so he didn't have to worry about how to get it. She didn't have to go around the house making sure it was picked up so he could get around better.

Changing into a baggie shirt and pajama pants she crawled in bed with her teeth still clenched. How dare he say he let her help him? He sure was on a roll today she scoffed, first by rejecting their daughter's help then by putting his foot in his mouth with her.

Part of her knew it was just his ego talking and the process he is going through mentally is a tough one. A man who prides himself on his own physical being and worth no doubt would be lost put in Hotch's situation. And Emily did understand that but then if he kept pushing people away like he is he would end up with no one there when he does need help.

Finally letting her mind shut off Emily fell into a fitful sleep.

Hotch on the other hand was still sitting in the same spot Emily left him in. one reason he hadn't moved was because his wheelchair was parked on the other side of the couch and the only way to get it would be to crawl on the floor. Why he had to open his big mouth that kept getting him in trouble he didn't know. Sure he disagreed in having someone to help him but he did know the insults he threw at his wife were definitely untrue.

She did help him and he did appreciate it more than anything. She did the small things that let him feel good about doing things himself. Hotch caught Emily several times picking toys and clothes from the floor so he could maneuver around the house better. She also moved thing down so he didn't have to reach far which he appreciated.

So why he insulted her was beyond him. He was tired of defending himself saying he could do things and no one listening and sometimes the people around him treated him like he was an invalid. But he never meant to hurt Emily's feelings. That was not what he wanted.

Deciding to give her time to also calm down he moved himself so he was lying on the couch. He tossed the blanket over his legs and closed his eyes. He probably wouldn't sleep but he tried.

-CM-CM-

Hotch cracked his eyes open slightly at the sound of talking coming from the kitchen. Yawning he looked over and sighed seeing his wheelchair moved closer to him.

He quickly swallowed his pride and pulled the chair over and climbed in. unlocking the wheels he pushed towards the kitchen. He stopped just short of the doorway and smiled at the sight of Emily leaning over the counter talking sweetly to their daughter as she ate her breakfast gripped his heart in a vice.

How he could hurt either of them made his ego diminish. That was not who he was. He didn't hurt his girls just because he was trying to figure out how to go about his new life.

"Hey dad" Gracie broke through his fog.

He cleared his throat and smiled. "Morning, Honey. What are you having for breakfast?"

"Mom made blueberry pancakes. They're really good." she smiled with a mouthful.

Hotch looked up to his wife. The smile he saw on her face didn't quite make it to her eyes but it was only directed at Gracie. "I bet they are." He said moving forward, closing in on them.

Emily glanced at him then turned away. She was still beyond pissed at his words and eventually she would forgive them but not yet. Hotch knew he was in for the cold shoulder but he still tried. As Emily opened the fridge door and peered in he wheeled up behind her and blocked her exit. Emily rolled her eyes and stared at him. He just smiled and stared back.

"Please move." She whispered not wanting Gracie to catch on to their fight. She had enough trouble explaining why he was sleeping on the couch when Gracie saw him that morning.

"Can't" he said. "I was wrong and…"

"Not now." she dismissed him. "Gracie you need to hurry up sweetie. Please go get your backpack." When the girl happily did as told Emily looked back at Hotch. "Gracie has school and I have work so we'll see you tonight."

"Emily, please" he nearly begged her. He didn't want to leave it like that.

"Leftovers are in the fridge if you want them for lunch." She threw over her shoulder as she left the kitchen happy that she kept up her strong façade.

Hotch closed his eyes and ran a hand over his face. But hearing his girls moving around he shook his head and wheeled as fast as he could down the hall and into his room where Emily was putting on her shoes. "I get that I hurt you. I do and I'm so sorry for that. What I said last night was…"

"Selfish? Cruel? Downright hateful?" she helped him.

"Yes, all of those. Emily I'm sorry, I was just pissed off and I know that's not an excuse but I can't let you leave mad at me."

Emily turned to him finally. "I don't know what you want me to say."

"Say you forgive me."

"I love you" she said instead.

"But you don't…"

"Not yet, just give me time. Tonight Gracie is staying with JJ so maybe we can talk about everything then. Call if you need anything." She told him then left.

Hotch sat in the room for a while then grabbed his phone to make the only call he could. "Hey can you meet me?"

**A/N**: I know more drama and angst but Hotch is still trying to figure things out and there are bound to be mistakes. Next chapter will be better though. Please leave me a review!


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N**: Due to FFN cracking down on content I have raised the rating of this story to M for language and themes. Like I said at the beginning of this story it will get dark. Hotch's mental state will grow dark due to the situation he is in. Also see the A/N at the end of this chapter for info on my other stories. Many of them have changed as well.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

**Chapter 11: **Making Peace

Emily's day passed in a daze. While at work her mind never traveled away from Hotch. Over the course of the day she grew to understand his out lash more and more but she couldn't help the sting it left behind. His words hurt more than anything but she took it. If she were in the same situation she would probably act the same.

Her husband was stubborn as all get out. And she wasn't going to change that. So she had to just stick to her guns and support him. During his time in the hospital Hotch saw a Psychologist that told him he would mentally have to come to terms with the changes in his life, both physical changes and emotional changes. Going from an ass kicking FBI agent to a man in a wheelchair with a desk job was going to mess with anyone. Hopefully he would be able to come back to work soon which would help she prayed.

"Earth to Prentiss!" Dave waved his hand in front of Emily's face effectively snapping her out of her daze.

"Huh?" she looked up at him.

"It's about time to head home. Are you okay? You've been out of it all day." Dave sat down on the edge of her desk.

"I'm fine." She gave him a polite smile. Lying of course but she didn't want to bring anyone else into their problems.

"I love how you and Aaron lie to me." He rolled his eyes with a smirk on his face.

"He called you, huh?"

"Yeah, I hope that's okay." She nodded genuinely so he continued. "He's lost I think. And I'm sure you've noticed. But…" he paused.

"But what?"She asked.

"I think he'll be okay. How are honestly holding up?"

Emily gave a knowing look. "I'm sure he told you about his little outburst he had yesterday. I really do understand where he is coming from and I don't fault him for that. We all have been babying him since the shooting and if it were me I'd be fed up too but the way he chose to let me know that was completely uncalled for. I get he's frustrated and he's dealing with far more than anyone should have to but he can't take it out on me or Gracie."

Dave nodded slowly. "He get's that and yes he lost his temper and said some things he shouldn't have but that's all he knew to do."

"I know and I'm working on forgiving him and he did an amazing job at reassuring Gracie yesterday. But I want him to find another way to handle that anger. He's not the only one in this boat." Emily said. She wasn't trying to make it about her in any way but she was still battling with the guilt and every sad remark or self loathing comment Hotch made the more guilty she felt.

"He's not. And I think after our little talk he gets that." Dave smirked.

"Did you yell at my husband?" she laughed.

"Not yell, Sweetheart. I just gave him the facts."

After exchanging a few more words with Dave Emily left the office and ventured home. She was happy that Gracie was with JJ for the night so if there was yell and arguing she would be none the wiser. She didn't have to beg much at all to have the blonde look after the eight year old. JJ was use to having Gracie around still.

When she unlocked the door and walked into the dark house Emily smiled slightly seeing Hotch sitting on the couch waiting for her. "Hey" she said setting her bags down and moving towards him.

"Hey" he smiled. Her heart melted at the dimples that came along with the smile. "How was work?"

"It was good. Got a lot to catch up on but not too bad." She sighed plopping down next to him but taking care to leave space between them. She figured they both need that distance between them to gather their thoughts. "How was your day?"

"It was okay. Dave came over for lunch and kept me company." Hotch said clearly dragging the conversation out.

Emily hummed knowingly. He looked towards her and it dawned on him. "He talked to you, huh?" Emily just nodded pressing her lips together tightly. Hotch sighed wiping a hand over his face. "Do you want dinner before or after?"

Emily looked at him and could see him trying to hold it together. "Let's talk and then eat. Can I go first?" at his nod she began. "I know you are going through something that I cant understand and you have every right to be upset with yourself and or me." The guilt turned in her stomach. "I'm the reason this happened and I do take responsibility for it…"

"But it's…"

"Let me finish." She quietly requested as he interrupted only to tell her what he had been telling her for weeks. He said she wasn't responsible the day he woke up but that didn't stop her own mind from thinking it. "I do take responsibility for this happening to you. And I will until I die. But what you said last night was heartbreaking. And you have every right to speak your anger but I need you to do it in a better way."

Hotch hung his head. He felt like a child being scolded for fighting with his brother. He words were true though. He knew that and took them in. "I know and I will work on that." He didn't say what he really wanted. He wanted to tell her to stop treating him like their kids. Yes he couldn't do things he used to but he was still him.

Emily must have sensed him holding back and encouraged him. "What else? I want you to tell me."

Hotch looked into her eyes seeing only love and understanding. Taking a shaky breath he licked his lips and started. "I want you to stop babying me." He nearly whispered.

Emily was in tears after a few moments of silence. She knew she was treating him with kid gloves but if she didn't and he failed at something she couldn't face the self loathing he would endure. Just his little comment about himself even if they weren't serious shook her to her very core. Hotch had always been hard on himself but now it was ten times worse.

"Emily" he took her hand as the tears flowed more freely from her. He never wanted to upset her, that wasn't his intention in bringing up the issue.

"No," she half smiled gathering herself "I know I have been and I'm so sorry for that. I just wanted to help and do anything that might be helpful to you."

Hotch sighed wrapping her in his arms. He soothed her gently running his hands over her back as she sniffled and wiped at her eyes. "What I said was uncalled for and I'm truly sorry for that. And I do appreciate everything you do for me but sometimes I think you take it too far. I'm bound to have bad days were I need more help but I can't focus on doing things myself with you running around doing it for me. I'm not saying I want you to completely stop but just tone it down and when you're not sure ask if I need help." Emily nodded in his chest. "Emily" he lifted her face to his. "I do need you, you know that right?"

Emily bit her lip and nodded again. "I do."

"Can you forgive me?"

A genuine smile formed on her lips. "Yes and can you forgive me and my mothering skills?"

"I can." He leaned in for a kiss which she melted into. "How about some dinner?"

**A/N:** Let me know what you think! I know there is a lot of angst going on but Hotch is trying to adjust and it's going to be a bumpy road.

So onto other stories: _Her Language_ and _Mark Your Heart_ have been taken down due to sexual content. And _A Little More You_ has been edited to take out sexual content. And one scene in _Blessing _has been altered. I did this just to ensure that my stories don't get taken down. I'm not sure if I will post them elsewhere but I will let you know if I do.


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

**Chapter 12:** Special Therapy

"I think it's quitting time Aaron."

Hotch looked over his shoulder as he stood between two bars holding himself up by his arms, to his physical therapist. "Not yet" he grunted and forced his attention back on his limp legs below him. If he could just get one leg to move just slightly he would happily give up for the day but nothing came. Not even a twitch.

"I'm serious man." Ethan said moving closer to the determined man. "I'm all for pushing yourself but you can't do this." He motioned to the position Hotch was in.

Determined to have something go his way he ignored the man and continued moving his arms over the bars. Right arm, left arm, right arm, left "Damn!" he growled out as his hand slipped slightly but his body was caught by Ethan.

"Sit down" Ethan sighed pulling up Hotch's wheelchair and helped lower the man. "Aaron we really need to talk about this. I understand the frust…"

He was stopped dead in his tracks when Hotch looked up at him with a glare that would send anyone to an early grave. "You don't understand." He growled. "You can walk. You will never understand what it's like to be running and playing with your children one day then the next completely dependent on others. Don't ever say you understand." His voice cracked with emotion but surprisingly not with hatred or disrespect.

Ethan nodded slowly agreeing with Hotch. "So tell me about it then."

Hotch's eyebrows rose in surprise. "Are you my therapist now?" he deadpanned.

"No but if you need someone to understand tell me." Ethan handed Hotch a water bottle.

Hotch looked at him then down at his legs. "I don't know how to describe it." He shook his head and took a deep breath. Most of what he felt was anger. And that scared him. He wasn't sure if he was angry at himself for handling everything horribly or angry at Emily. Logically he knew Emily didn't do this to him. A man with a gun put him in the wheelchair not his wife but at the same time it was Emily he was saving. Would he feel the same if it had been Dave or JJ instead of Emily? He didn't know but knowing he was angry at her for the situation made the guilt feel heavier.

Emily still felt guilty he knew and while at the hospital he forgave her and he still did but in those moments when all he wanted to do was get up and walk, in those moments he was resentful towards her. Hotch would never tell her that. It would tear her apart to know he felt that way but he couldn't stop it internally.

"Just tell me what you feel when you think about not walking again." Ethan encouraged.

"Angry and pissed off." Hotch told him honestly taking a sip of the water.

"That's normal. You don't have to be happy about being in a wheelchair but you can be happy with the little improvements. The small wins you get everyday like the sensation that is slowly coming back or being able to move about your house without hurting."

"I do. I'm happy with the small things but that doesn't stop me from getting angry with the things I can't do that I use to. I can't be a field agent anymore, I can't go out back and teach Jack to play ball, Gracie won't come near me and I… I don't know." he stopped before saying out loud what he was truly feeling with Emily. "And the small things aren't happening as fast as I would like so that just…" he stopped again.

Ethan nodded and took a seat next to Hotch. "Do you still work for the FBI?" at Hotch's nod he continued. "Is there a possibility to get back to where you were within the FBI when you are able to walk again?"

"I think so. I was told if there was space I would be considered for it." He nodded thinking of his conversation with Strauss. He couldn't wait to get back to that. Everyday Emily came home with files with her jealousy bubbled within him. He only wished he could do the same.

"Then put that on the back burner for now. Enjoy your time not having to leave your children. Does teaching Jack to play ball involve you running or can you sit and teach him to throw a baseball?"

"Yes but…"

"Your chair can move you know." Ethan smirked at him. "There are so many things you can still do with Jack that he will be just as happy about."

"Okay" Hotch agreed. Jack would just be happy to do anything with his father. The boy wasn't affected by everything like his daughter was. Jack loved to play and as long as Hotch was there he was content.

"Your daughter is just scared you are going to get hurt again. Prove her wrong. Bring her with you on Thursday. I can show her some things she can do for you. I think that will solve that issue." Ethan offered.

Hotch smiled slightly. "It might." He agreed somewhat, not trying to get his hopes up.

"What else?" Ethan asked.

"You did fine so far but let's save some of my issues till Thursday or you won't have anything to do." Hotch let out a rare laugh.

"Sounds good to me. Aaron don't let all this get to you." He motioned around the room. "You are doing just fine. Getting your legs back to where they were are going to take time. But it will happen. Don't give up hope."

Hotch slowly nodded. Ethan was right and he knew it but time just wasn't fast enough for him.

-CM-CM-

Emily stayed late that night a work so when she got home Hotch had both kids in bed since Haley agreed to let Jack stay over and was calmly sitting in front of the TV with a scotch in his hand. "Hey" Emily greeted with a tired smile as she crossed the room to him.

"Hey" he said back. Even though they made up a few nights ago the tension was still there. "How was your day?"

"Really good, how about you?" she took a sip of his liquor then settled in next to him.

"Not bad. I'm going to take Gracie with me on Thursday to physical therapy." He stated not seeking permission but not in his tempered voice.

Emily nodded. "Did she say something about it?"

"No but I think it will help her understand some and Ethan thought he could help ease some fear for her." he took another sip from the liquid.

"Okay" Emily watched her husband down the rest of his drink then reached for more on the side table next to him. "Is something else up?" he normally didn't drink much except when he was upset about something.

"Nope, I'm fine. Do you want some?" he shrugged off her question.

"No thanks. I'm going to grab a shower. Don't have too much." She kissed his cheek as she rose from the couch and headed for the stairs.

Hotch watched her retreating back and sighed then took a long sip letting the numbness set in.


End file.
